Keep it Clean, Ladies

I haven't yet shared my disdain for public restrooms.

Today, like every day, I was reminded of this when I used the bathroom at work. There are few things I find more disgusting than the smell of poo, dirty junk, and disinfectant.

So, I'd like to present the beginnings of my list of bathroom rules:

The first three are a little older, and were written specifically for long lines:

1. Don't take a shit.
There are people waiting. Shit stinks. Not only are you taking up valuable stall space for your dump, you are stinking up the bathroom where people are waiting in line. Go to another bathroom, or shit at home. Unless you have diarrhea, in which case, you probably won't be long.

2. If you didn't use your hand to wipe your ass, RINSE AND GO!
There's no need to scrub up like you're heading into surgery. We've already waited in line for the toilet, must we wait for the sink, as well? Surely they've got a nicer sink and real soap in the hospital, doctor.

3. Don't stand in front of the paper towel dispenser and talk to your friend.
People's hands are dripping. Get out of the way. Would it really be that hard to walk outside? Next time I'm just going to fling water on you until you move.

And now some more recent additions:

4. Do not leave your bloody tampon in the toilet bowl.
Flush. Flush again. Wad up some toilet paper and give the damn thing a push. Continue flushing. Flush. FLUSH!

5. Do not leave your bloody tampon in the toilet bowl along with a poo.
Even worse than #4. If the toilet has stopped working, cover everything inside of it with toilet paper. You could also use any provided seat covers. I remind you only of this: What has been seen cannot be unseen.

6. Leave the recommended/understood one empty stall between you and the next person in the bathroom.
This is especially important for those of you that like to stick the toes of your shoes underneath the adjacent stalls. I don't need your foot in my personal space.

7. Courtesy flush.
No explanation needed.

I'll be adding more as I continue the terrifying use of public toilets.

Cliche Titles to Avoid When Creating Facebook Photo Albums

If I see another one of these, my head may explode.

"As of Late"

"Randomness"

"Just Me"

"Old School"

"Memories"

"It's that time of year"

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas"

"Our Wedding"

Alex Kapranos or Michael Ian Black?

Just watching Franz Ferdinand on Palladia--I found dopplegangers!

With J. Reinhold?

CANDIES?

Yum! What a delicious snack! Surely these are tasty raspberry candies, right?

...WRONG. Potpourri.

Yep. That's not to eat. Although they do look remarkably like a glass container of fruit snacks, these are, indeed, potpourri.

I can't help but think that this product's going to have to make SOME kind of change here.



Or maybe the grocery store shouldn't put them by the chips and salsa.

Delicious.

An interesting juxtaposition...

Candy and toothbrushes.

Brought to you by HEB.

Nachos

smell kind of like barf sometimes.

Really?

Spaghetti, anyone?

St. Patrick's Day Rules Addendum

Okay, so we all know about the ol' St. Patty's day rule: If you don't wear green, people are allowed to pinch you. In my opinion, this is all well and good, but I think we should make the game more interesting. It isn't fair for people to just be running around pinching everyone...there must be some kind of penalty.

So, here is my addendum:

If a pincher pinches a person who they believe to not be wearing green, and thussly that person expresses that the green they are wearing has been disguised or hidden in some way, the pincher then becomes the pinchee, and the resulting pinch shall be more painful than the pinch given by the original pincher.

Excellent.

Fact:

My difficulty in tolerating cubicle life is directly proportional to how nice it is outside. The nicer it is outside, the more difficult I find it to be cooped up in a cubicle.

Yikes. Cruella deRacist?

Apparently the Bucs Don't Like Country Music

Handkerchiefs

So, here's something I'd like to address: handkerchiefs. I have recently discovered how repulsive I find them. When I blow my nose, I want to throw the dirty tissue away. I don't really understand the point of carrying your snot around in your back pocket the entire day. Sure, you don't have to buy a $2.99 box of tissues, but you have PHLEGM stored in a cloth on your person. And how often are the handkerchief users really washing those, anyway? And have you noticed how they seem to keep opening them and folding them in different ways, to avoid the boogers? Doesn't that get full at some point? I mean gross, dude. Gross. All I'm saying is, you wouldn't use a handkerchief to wipe your ass, so what makes it okay to use for your nose? Snot is a bodily fluid, too. Yech.

Funny Logo

I like this logo. Found it on Craigslist.

Wet/Icy Roads = Fricking Idiots

It's been quite wet and icy around here lately, which begs the question: Why do people start driving like FRICKING IDIOTS in these road conditions? These aren't bad driving conditions. They're bad DRIVER conditions.

This is the general dialogue I believe is taking place within these cars:

Idiot Passenger: Oh my god. AN ICE! Drive as slow as you can!
Idiot Driver: Ooh, okay.
OR
Idiot Passenger: A RAIN! Slam on your brakes! There could be more rains around!
Idiot Driver: -Gasp- Okay!

Personally, I'm convinced that the reason there are accidents in bad weather is because people who are driving a normal speed suddenly come upon some idiot going 10 mph. That's when the brake-slamming causes an issue. I just don't get it. I've witnessed people slam on their brakes the minute a rain droplet touches their windshield. Why do people seem to think that THAT is safe?

It's been a while since I learned to drive, but I have a sneaking suspicion that "Go 25 mph on the highway if it's raining" is not part of the class.

Don't get me wrong--I can see slowing down if the rain is coming down so hard you can't see. But that's what the WIPER BLADES are for. TURN THEM ON.

Rant complete.

Really, T.O.?

Really? Terrell Owens is getting a reality show? I guess I'd better get my popcorn ready. By the end of it, he'll probably be blaming the matchmakers for not finding him a woman.